Today was the final step prior to having the surgery done. No more doctor visits, no more coddling, no more tests to be run, we have officially passed the point of no return. With only 6 days remaining until my surgery, I perhaps need a moment or two of quiet contemplation, a brief moment where I can gather my thoughts, and find out how I really feel about what I am about to go through. I know that I am fine with it; I know that I am confident in the success of the transplant, and I have no worries about the surgery at all. But still, it would be nice as the days count down, to have some time all alone and just think.
Today, I made my final visit to Vanderbilt before the transplant on Thursday, and as the day progressed, I really felt a sense of relief. How, when I'm about to have major surgery, can I possibly find relief? I found relief in hearing the doctor's confidence in the surgery, and hearing that my time in the hospital would be brief, really made me feel good about the impending surgery.
Admittedly, when I heard that the date of the surgery would be only 9 days away, there was that natural sense of shock and fear, in that I couldn’t believe it was real, and that it was suddenly so close. But as time wore on, and the days counted down 8… 7… 6…, my hesitation and anxiety turned to an almost readiness that I didn’t expect. To hear the doctors unanimously agree that I would be sitting up the night of the surgery, and likely walking the following day, made me feel much different about the surgery. To hear the doctors tell that I would go home after only 3-4 days in the hospital nearly made me smile a mile wide, because the last transplant I had resulted in a 6 week stay, due to one complication after another.
I am ready. Mentally, physically, psychologically, and by practically any other measure, I am ready. I have only 6 days to wait, but I am ready.